As an immigrant, a perpetual question in my daily routines living in the United States is the constant reconciliation between my existence as independent professional and that as the other. I just had my first child a little over a year and a half ago, one beautiful being that I had the honor of bringing into this world. Of course, I shared the same fear with some other parents of whether this world is also beautiful enough that this child can learn to love and can be safe in. That is not a question to be answered when we are just living in this moment and have no ability to predict the future. And it may be a futile question to ask anyway. The time I looked into her eyes and let my eyes wander around the glow of hers, I cannot help but wonder: what kind of person is she going to become? I am more than excited to see that myself. But then another thought intruded almost at the same time: Will she be able to bear the confusion I have when claiming identities in places that she struggles to feel like home, or places where she will be seen as “the other” all the time?
No matter how long that I have been in this country, there is always a small voice in me that questions, and censors, what I think and do and decide, in any given moment. The self-doubt and detached sense of being rise in me on and off, but as if those weren’t really my voice, I couldn’t find traction with that voice and thus believe they are valid. The perpetual experiences of being seen as “the other” in the States, drove me to reflect on my experiences in my home country – Taiwan. Was I less the other? Who then was the other? How can I do better and make necessary changes? Having the honor to work with other fellow immigrants and then other mixed race identified people here in the United States, I realize I was ignorant and long overlooking the fact that Taiwan has many groups of “the other,” not because they want to but they just have been. The implicit biases and privilege, the naive warmth, the internalized colonialism, and the fear due to lack of understanding, all have been manifested in my own very presence when treating and interacting with immigrants, international students, and migrant workers in Taiwan. I may not be perceived as racist or mean in any way, not even close, yet I also didn’t contribute positively to their existence when they were grappling with life in another country. The lack of action, or rather, inaction, became as harmful as racism itself.
I now see there is “the others” in every one of us. the individual identities, how they are presented in different sociocultural and class-economic spaces, the desire to belong and to attach. We are all “the others”, as “the others” are created by acknowledging “us”. I want to start acknowledging “the others” and “us” in my body, for that’s one small step toward building equality. Meanwhile, validate the “us” in “the others” bodies because they are constantly being perceived and expected by us. I am hoping to see more of “us” and equities when individuals can discover “the others” in themselves.